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Commentary

By Liz Quirin

Returning to Civilized Conversation

The last shreds of civility have vanished. Case in point: tennis. In the world of tennis tournaments, the spectators cheer between points but sit without a word when the player throws the ball into the air to begin his/her next point. People may contest a point, but they do it in a very civilized manner. Well, not anymore if you watched a semifinal U.S. Open tennis match between American star, Serena Williams and Belgian player, Kim Clijsters.
Williams, according to news reports, verbally abused a line judge for a call during the game and received a point penalty for her outburst; It was match point.

Her verbal assault points to a much greater problem in our society about the way people speak to and relate to each other in our homes, our schools our places of work. When my daughter, now a young adult, spoke to me in what I decided was inappropriate language, I asked her a question: “Who are you talking to, because I know you’re not talking to me?” We would never speak disrespectfully to our parents, no matter what might be going through our heads.

Raucous and inappropriate behavior has been noted in a number of settings, not the least of which was the recent outburst in the halls of Congress from South Carolina’s Republican Rep. Joe Wilson that President Obama lied about health care coverage of undocumented workers. “You lie,” he shouted when the president said undocumented workers would not be covered under a new plan.

In the past members have booed one another or the president, but calling the president a liar takes the disagreement way beyond acceptable behavior. The representative’s outburst underscores the length and depth of a problem that has already cropped up in many aspects of our personal and professional lives. The time has passed when we should have stopped it. Sanctions and penalties are levied after the fact.

The outburst followed on what have been described as uncivil town hall meetings between politicians and their constituents about health care reform. How can anybody converse in a place where shouting is accepted? Granted, emotions run deep, but unless we can hear what someone else is saying — whether we agree with that position or not — we can’t participate in the conversation.

What do we do? We have to return to our roots, to our families and small communities where we first heard what we considered outrageous and unacceptable conversation and begin to reclaim civilized dialogue. While we are shocked and disgusted by what we see on the national scene, we can only make changes in our own behavior and, hopefully, that of our children and those in our immediate circles.

The alternatives to saying nothing and doing nothing make us complicit and accepting of this new, and completely unacceptable behavior.