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Commentary

By Liz Quirin

Living, Learning and Laughing With Family

How do you define family? It begins as you are called a son or daughter, then maybe a sister or brother, a husband or wife and then a mother or father. Along the way, we incorporate cousins, aunts, uncles or others as families are blended and expanded. We all “belong” to somebody else as we grow and expand our relationship borders. Our friends play a role in our lives as well, perhaps having a real impact on our present selves.

At reunion times, whether it is family or friends, we remember past experiences, sharing our memories that may or may not match those of others who participated in some event.

I always like to compare “notes” with my sister since our memories of the same event sometimes differ, probably because her memory is better or more accurate than mine. I find myself saying “really” when she recounts some event, not because I doubt her but because I don’t remember things that way or at all. The stories always seem better when we both contribute to the “telling” of the tale because it is enriched and enlivened by more than one perspective.

My 9-year-old niece told her younger brother to do something, and he told her: “I’m only 4, Caitlin.” We all thought that was hilarious. On another occasion, Caitlin tried to persuade him to do something, and he again told her he was “only 4.” Her retort: “You used that excuse the last time.” Again, we laughed at the telling of the story. This will become part of the lore of our family and theirs as time goes on and more stories are added.

During this summer of high gasoline prices and a shrinking economy, more and more of us are taking “stay-at-home vacations.” This would be a wonderful time to set aside time to pull out family photo albums, call the clan together and share stories of family, not earth-shattering stories about life-changing events but just the everyday life-giving stories of the give and take of family life.

Sometimes new truths emerge, relationships are strengthened, the past comes alive, depending on how far back we go, and more connections are made. We realize how important parents and grandparents have been in shaping who we are. Maybe as we are growing up, certainly as teenagers, we may not want to be like our parents, live the kind of lives they lived or appreciate what they loved and cherished.

If we keep our hearts open, as well as our eyes and ears, we will see the future taking shape in the present moments, those that will be held dear to our children and grandchildren as they reflect on their own family histories in some distant time. Hopefully, we are helping them define family as a loving place to speak of their hopes and dreams, to voice their concerns and to deepen their experience of family through their relationships with us.