Senior Questions 'N Answers

	Muriel Schackelford

The Messenger has asked Muriel Schackelford to answer questions related to long-term care.

She is regional long-term care ombudsman with Land of Lincoln Legal Assistance Foundation with offices in East St. Louis. She visits long-term care facilities in the diocese and advocates for patients’ rights in those facilities.

She has been invited to use this space for a monthly column on the Senior Page to answer your questions. Please send questions to Schackelford at The Messenger: 2620 Lebanon Ave., Belleville, IL 62221 or e-mail Cathnews@peaknet.net

Dear Muriel:
I have just recently heard about National Family Caregivers Month. I am taking care of my husband who is a Gulf War veteran and elderly parent and sometimes I feel that I need to be taken care of; please provide information on caring for myself in these stressful times.

Dear Stressed-Out:
November is the month that we celebrate Veterans Day, National Family Caregivers Month and of course Thanksgiving. It is so very fitting that National Family Caregivers Month was given this month for celebration and recognition of caregivers, who are on the front lines of care and for many, as in your case, care is also needed for our loved ones who have served in the armed forces from World War II to the present conflicts in the Middle East to our aging parents and other loved ones.

Sometimes because the care and concern are so intense and require non-stop attention, we sometimes forget that we as care givers need to care for ourselves as well as our loved ones.
The Family Caregiver Alliance offered the following steps to managing stress:
l. Recognize warning signs early. These might include irritability, sleep problems, and forgetfulness. Know your own warning signs, and act to make changes. Don’t wait until you are overwhelmed.
2. Identify sources of stress. Ask yourself, “What is causing stress for me?” Sources of stress might be too much to do, family disagreements, feelings of inadequacy, inability to say “NO.”
3. Identify what you can and cannot change. Remember, we can only change ourselves; we cannot change another person. When you try to change things over which you have no control, you will only increase your sense of frustration. Ask yourself, “What do I have some control over? What can I change?” Even a small change can make a big difference. The challenge we face as caregivers is well expressed in words from the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”
4. Take action. Taking some action to reduce stress gives us back a sense of control. Stress-reducers can be simple activities like walking and other forms of exercise, gardening, meditation, having coffee with a friend. Identify some stress reducers that work for you.
5. Setting goals or deciding what you would like to accomplish in the next three to six months is an important tool for taking care of yourself. Here are some sample goals you might set:
• Take a break from care giving.
• Get help with care giving tasks like bathing and preparing meals.
• Feel more healthy.

Goals are generally too big to work on all at once. We are more likely to reach a goal if we break it down into smaller action steps. Once you set a goal, ask yourself, “What steps do I take to reach my goal?” Make an action plan by deciding which step you will take first, and when. Then get started.
Example: Goal and Action Steps
Goal: Feel more healthy.
Possible action steps:
1. Make an appointment for a physical check-up.
2. Take a half-hour break once during the week.
3. Walk three times a week for 10 minutes.

Seeking solutions to difficult situations is, of course, one of the most important tools in care giving. Once you’ve identified a problem, taking action to solve it can change the situation and also change your attitude to a more positive one, giving you more confidence in your abilities.

As we approach this Thanksgiving Holiday, a day of thanksgiving and sharing I want to thank all of you who are care givers in the home and you who continue care giving when your loved one is placed in a nursing home. Your job is tremendous and sometimes overwhelming — yours is a living, active testimony to the dignity and worth of humanity. Thank you.

PS: Readers, please remember to visit your community nursing home residents, they are still a member of your community, they have just had an address change.

If you need additional assistance with this issue, please call 618-271-9140, ext. 224.